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intimacy, relationships, and boundaries

Relationship, in the micro and the macro, is my focal point for 2019.

And the question I hold within at all times is ‘how do I maintain relationship with myself (boundaries) whilst simultaneously meeting and relating to that/those which is/are seemingly outside of me.

It feels multidimensional and expansive, and also challenging.

For me, it seems the places that ‘disconnect’ or separate are the shadow areas, and it seems to me that the only shift required to bring shadow to light is an embodied felt sense and a shift in perspective.

How is this relational? Let me illustrate with a recent experience...

During a group morning session of partnered Authentic Movement practice, my first role was to witness and hold space for my partner.

And she expressed her feelings verbally and held and rocked her body, I deeply resonated with everything she said. Each word could have been my own at that time: “I’m feeling not enough, shame around not understanding the material, inhibited by my limitations and illness...”

In that vulnerable space I connected intimately and cried with her, moved through my own pains with her, shared her experience and at the end of her time, we lay, in the shared space of sisterhood and the intimacy of heart felt relating.

As it became time for me to transition into the Authentic Movement, I was expecting anger, frustration and rage to surface, but it had moved through me in the shared experience and what was beneath that was the need to feel loved. I was able to see that the parts of myself that were in conflict (inner child and warrior is one perception) wanted to reunite and that journey looked like self love, I moved with that feeling.

As I moved within the experience, one of the other group members let out a primal scream. Often this would have sent me back into resistance, anger and separation, but on this occasion, through the lens of loving embrace, her scream rippled through my heart and transformed to passion. It was thrilling. Moments later another group member let out a wail and a deep sobbing sound, in my open hearted state, it rippled through my experience and transformed into tender, intimate vulnerability within me.

This whole experience organised itself in my current level of understanding as the following:

A vibration doesn’t change, the perception through the place of relating to it can. For example, the anger vibration was passion when viewed through my open heart, sorrow was tenderness and, the key that held this all together was the boundary of self. I stayed inside my own body/experience, without projecting onto others.

In projection, I blame. I want the environment to change, I avoid, hide and separate. And all of this also happens on a cellular level. Parts of myself separate from other parts, and this if prolonged, can start the road to a lowered immune system, disease and sickness.

None of this is wrong, it is a perfect and natural phenomenon that provides information for us to awaken and take action. An opportunity. 

I feel this is the beginning of a beautiful new era for me. I continue to hold the question and stay in a curious space in multiple relating arenas... romantic, sisterhood, brotherhood, environment and Mother Earth, food, joint space, animals and insects and so much more. 

Namaste Lovers xx

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